Calvin's Second Play
by Dannor
Summary: Miss Wormwood is deciding to hold a second class play, this time of Hansel and Gretel. Calvin doesn't want to be in it, then Hobbes gives him ideas of stardom... Chapter Two up 5/14!
1. Miss Wormwood's Announcement

**Disclaimer: **Yikes! I haven't written a fanfic in a while. If my writing's.... different, it's because I've been writing lots of original pieces... Once again, I don't own Calvin and Hobbes. And this story, sad to say, is slightly (I use that term loosely, please note) based on a real life experience in 6th grade... That's where some (make that all) of the portions from the script come from.

Miss Wormwood stood at the front of her classroom, beaming at her students. "Good news, class!" she said. "We're having a new class play!"

"Again?" Tommy Chestnut asked, raising an eyebrow at Miss Wormwood.

"Yes, Tommy. This time, our play will be _Hansel and Gretel_. I'm sure you know that story." There was a nod of heads in the classroom, and Miss Wormwood continued. "Tryouts will be tomorrow after school. Susie, please pass these out to everyone in the class." 

Susie Derkins stood up and walked up to Miss Wormwood. She handed her a pile of folders. "These are the scripts. You may read over them if you would like to, but if you aren't going to try out, bring it back tomorrow."

When Calvin got his script, he opened up to the front page. "Oh brother," he muttered as he read the first few lines. "That's a dumb song. It's all about _Susie_..." Calvin made a face in Susie's direction, and she shot a glare at him. Calvin put on a high, falsetto voice and read the words.

"Susie, little Susie now what is the news? The geese are going barefoot because they've no shoes." Calvin lowered its voice down to a normal pitch, and poked Susie on the shoulder when she sat down in the seat across from him.

"What, Calvin?" she asked, sighing.

"Why aren't the geese wearing shoes? They need shoes, Susie! Get their shoes!"

"CALVIN!"

Calvin gulped and slowly turned around in his seat. Standing menacing next to his desk was Miss Wormwood. "Enough of that. Settle down."

"Yes, Miss Wormwood," Calvin mumbled, looking at the ground.

That night, as Hobbes was brushing his teeth, Calvin opened up the script for his play. For a full five seconds, Calvin skimmed the first page, then lost interest. "Feh, this is stupid," he muttered.

"What is?" Hobbes asked, coming into the room.

"This," Calvin said, and thrust the script under Hobbes's nose.

"'Gretel, I'm sick of making brooms.'" He gave the script back to Calvin. "What's so bad about that?"

"Who makes brooms nowadays? No one! We have _vacuum cleaners_! Brooms are old fashioned!" Calvin threw his arms up in frustration.

"That's your only problem with this script?" Hobbes asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Well, think about it... you could play the part of Hansel," Hobbes said, trying hard not to laugh.

"Right, Hobbes. Like I'd play the part of Hansel..." Calvin muttered darkly.

"Think about it," Hobbes said slowly. "You'd have fame..."

"Fame?" Calvin said, looking up. "I'd be famous?"

"Yeah!" Hobbes held up his hands. "_See Calvin in his first road to fame- as _Hansel!" 

"Yeah..." Calvin said dreamily, and fell back on his pillow. Soon he was snoring gently.

The next day, Calvin and Hobbes sat in the auditorium at Calvin's elementary school. Miss Wormwood was standing on the stage, calling various groups of students up to read from the script. 

"Alright," Miss Wormwood said. "Calvin, Susie, Tommy, please come up here and read."

Obediently, the three shuffled up to the stage, scripts in hand. "Tommy, I want you to read Hansel. Susie, please read Gretel. Oh, and Calvin, read the Sandman."

Calvin's jaw slackened. "Th- th- the _Sandman?" _

"Yes. Calvin, you have the first line."

"Oh, fine," Calvin mumbled. He pulled the script closer to his nose and began reading. "Don't be frightened. I'm the Sandman. Oohhh that's heavy. Pull bag down from shoulder. Oops! Not supposed to read that part! It takes a lot of sand to close _all _the eyes of all the children of the world. That's stupid! Why-"

"Thank you, Calvin!" Miss Wormwood said quickly, ushering Calvin off the stage. He sat down next to Hobbes.

"How'd I do?" Calvin asked the tiger.

"Erm... adjectives are escaping me," Hobbes said, avoiding Calvin's eyes.

After several minutes, Miss Wormwood made an announcement on the parts. "Thank you, everyone for trying out. Hansel will be played by... Tommy Chestnut!"

"WHAT?" Calvin jumped up and shouted. "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!"

"Calvin, sit down! You can't have every part you want!"

"YES I CAN!" Calvin screamed, not sitting down. "I'M CALVIN, GREATEST MIND IN THE WORLD! WHY DIDN'T I GET HANSEL?"

"Sit down, and you'll see the part I've given you, young man!" Miss Wormwood bellowed at Calvin, making him quaver.

"It'd better be good," Calvin muttered to Hobbes.

"Playing the role of Gretel will be Susie Derkins." Miss Wormwood drawled on and on, assigning people parts, when she got to Calvin. "Calvin, you'll be playing the Sandman."

If Calvin was upset when he didn't get Hansel, he certainly was now. He jumped up in his seat, and grabbed Hobbes. "_Why_?" he asked venomously.

"Because, you can fill the role well. With another student's help, like Miss Derkins, you can improve. Maybe when you get to second grade you can play a role that you want. But please, Calvin, _sit down_!" Miss Wormwood picked Calvin up by the scruff of his shirt and sat him back down in his chair, none to gently. 

"Now, I have one last role to give. Ah, yes! The part of the witch! The witch is being played by a Senior, giving her time to help us. Her name is Rosalyn!"


	2. Costumes and Lines

**Disclaimer: **Yes! I updated! Oh, by the way, to those of you who are curious enough… the reaction Calvin gives is the same that I gave when I got the role of the Sandman…. with the exception of my previous roles being dramatically enriched. Oh, and please DON'T ASK about the Dew Fairy. She was like my opposite in the play. Same disclaimer as usual, don't own Calvin and Hobbes. 

Calvin gaped at Hobbes at Miss Wormwood's announcement. "Excuse me?" he said tentatively. "Did you say that a Senior named _Rosalyn _would play the part of the witch?"

"Yes, I did Calvin," she said, and turned her attention to the rest of the class. "You are all dismissed, and thank you for trying out!"

"I can't believe this!" Calvin complained to Hobbes as they walked out of the auditorium. "How could _Tommy Chestnut get the starring role?"_

"Well, he was good at reading the lines," Hobbes commented.

"**Tommy Chestnut, Hobbes. The kid who teased us for taking you to school. The kid you tried to _eat_."**

"Oh. _Him," Hobbes shuddered. "He tasted like stale bologna. And a walrus."_

The two walked down the sidewalk to Calvin's Mom's waiting car. "And she gave the witch to Rosalyn!"

"It fits her well," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"Hi honey," Calvin's Mom said as Calvin clambered into the car. "How were try-outs?"

"Not good. I didn't get Hansel. Instead I got the Sandman," Calvin muttered darkly.

"Well, you can't always have the part you want, Calvin," the boy's mother said. "Besides, I'll bet the Sandman is a fun role!"

"_Fun?" Calvin laughed sarcastically. "I have __one line!" _

"You had one line in your last play," Calvin's Mom said as she drove away.

"Yeah, but that was different. I had a dramatically enriched role. This time I'm just an old guy who hobbles on stage, throws sand at someone, and then leaves." Calvin leaned back against the leather seat and waited to get home.

That night, after dinner, Calvin and Hobbes went into the woods and sat in a field, while Calvin studied his line. "Don't be frightened. I'm the SandMAN!" Calvin said, putting an accent into "man."

"I don't think it's good to annunciate the 'man' part in that. Say it like, 'Don't be frightened! I'm the Sandman!'" Hobbes explained.

"I'll NEVER get this right!" Calvin whined. "Why don't just ad-lib this?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Like you ad-libbed your onion role?"

"HEY!" Calvin shouted quickly. "It wasn't _my _fault the play was ruined!"

"Actually, it was," Hobbes mused, laughing a little.

"Shut up…" Calvin said, slumping against a log.

For a while, everything went fine with the play. Calvin was forced to attend practice every day by his parents. ("You made the commitment, now live up to it!") He was starting to get a hang of acting, but then came the day to get costumes. 

"All right," Miss Wormwood said, "I'd like the Sandman and the Dew Fairy to go with Mrs. Derkins (A/N: Has she EVER been used in a fic before???) to get their costumes." 

Shrugging, Calvin, followed by Susie's friend Jessica, went over to Susie's mom, who was waiting behind the chairs in the auditorium. She led them through the double doors toward a set of stairs, which led them to a basement. It was dank and dingy, and Calvin shivered a little because of it.

"Now, I hope you like these costumes. They're the ones I like best," she muttered, rummaging through a large blue plastic bin. She pulled out a frilly pink tutu and tights that had leaves intertwined into its fabric. "This is the Dew Fairy's costume. Go try it on, Jessica."

"Yes Mrs. Derkins!" Jessica said, giggling incessantly. She loved the color pink.

"And now yours, Calvin," Mrs. Derkins said, delving into another plastic bin, this one green. She pulled out a light blue sweater and dark blue pajama pants. Calvin shrugged. He was okay with that. Then she pulled out what looked like a Christmas hat painted blue. He was starting to get a little irritated with it. Finally, to top it all off, she pulled out shoes that had toes that curled up. (A/N: I HATED THAT STUPID COSTUME!)

"WHAT?" Calvin exploded. "YOU EXPECT ME TO WEAR _THAT_?"

Mrs. Derkins sighed. "I'm sorry if you don't like it, Calvin, but Miss Wormwood wants you to wear this. Complain to her if you like, but I'm not making you another one."

"I will, then," Calvin muttered, grabbing the costume from Mrs. Derkins, and stormed off towards Miss Wormwood.

"I'm sorry Calvin," Miss Wormwood said after she heard Calvin's protests, "but that's your costume."

Calvin's eyes were livid with rage. "_First _you degrade me by giving me the role of the Sandman," he snarled, "and now you make me wear _this?" He gestured angrily at the outfit, then continued. "Miss Wormwood, I HATE this play!"_

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Calvin," Miss Wormwood said, "but it is too late to pull out now. The date for the play is in three weeks. You already should have your line memorized. Do you?"

"Yes," Calvin quickly lied.

"Good," Miss Wormwood smiled down on Calvin, a rare sight, and then turned her attention towards the rest of the class. "Okay, practice is over!"

The class all shuffled out of the auditorium, and Calvin quickly spotted his mom's car. He hopped into the backseat, and buckled in. "How was practice, dear?"

"Well, I hate my costume and Mrs. Derkins and Miss Wormwood," Calvin said, letting his sentence trail off.

"Calvin! Mrs. Derkins is a nice person! How can you hate her?"

"She designed my costume," Calvin muttered morbidly. 

Calvin's mom drove them to their suburban home, and Calvin ran up to his room (after being greeted by an over-enthusiastic Hobbes) and quickly got out a sheet of paper and crayons. Hobbes wandered in about ten minutes after Calvin had started his drawing. "What'cha drawing?" Hobbes asked nonchalantly, munching on an apple.

"I'm re-designing my costume," Calvin said, biting his tongue as he added the finishing touches to his drawing. "There! Done!" He shoved the paper under Hobbes's nose. "What do you think?"

Hobbes glanced down at the drawing Calvin had done. As usual, Calvin's art left something to be desired. It was a crude drawing of himself, but instead of his usual attire, he had on a dark green shirt with a dark red star in the center. Around the star, in yellow letters, it said "Sleep- OR ELSE!" The drawing's pants were lightning bolt in shape.

"Well?" Calvin asked impatiently. 

"Um… da Vinci could have done better, that's for sure," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"You just don't appreciate great art when you see it," Calvin muttered darkly.

"What's this for, anyways?" Hobbes asked.

"I'm going to give it to Miss Wormwood- hopefully she'll let me use it for a costume."

Hobbes walked out of the room, rolling his eyes. _Just like she should've let you play Hansel_, Hobbes thought, snickering mentally.


End file.
